February 22, 2004
-
Diseased & Neurotic
(An ode to the itchy red things on my legs)
(and also Monkey)Yea, what purple and crimson dawn breaks upon this morn,
A slow waking, much like the morn before and the morn before that,
and all the morns spanning the simple life of this simple bard.
Ho! A slight irritation!
Upon a vigorous itching and scratching and without a found relief,
I peer eyes downward and beneath coverlets mine.
Aghast – I find upon my sinewy shanks…
Leprosy?
Nay, it cannot be! I’ve touched no armadillos!
Hemorrhagic fever?
But my brow does not burn! Nor do orifices mine bleed out to soak bedding like spilled lumpy wine.
Ebola? Marburg? Icythyosis?
Nay! Nay! Nay! I cry to Apollo’s breaking light!
It cannot be!
Disbelief and denial incarnate am I!
Glorious morning has turned to fretful mourning,
my well turned calves set with foul demons of itching and burning.
Ho!
Ho!
Ho!? Did mine willy contract the most foulest of foul?
Syphilis?
Does this plague now course through veins,
corrupting genitals, spleen, and all other various viscera?
Will I gaze upon my face, noseless, in the looking glass a month hence?
I weep! I weep! My once healthy body has been befouled by Monkey Pox!
Ah, a small comfort to be found in the uttering of the holy word,
Monkey.
Monkey.
Monkey.
MonkeyMonkeyMonkey.
Revitalized by Monkey Mantra,
I realize!
They are but ant bites!
Comments (31)
“Nay, it cannot be! I’ve touched no armadillos!”
This made me snort. My kid asked why I made that noise.
Are they fireant bites? I think I recognise the sort of blistery look, there. I’ve stepped into a couple fireant mounds. Ow.
well then that’s an attractive poem… yum.. : oh dear
ya freak! you are a nut, and i love it
I laughed so hard, I teared up
But, seriously, if those are fire ant bites, that could be serious. From what I understand the human body does not build up tolerence to their poison, but rather mutates it. Successive bites become more and more powerful, and can lead to death (a pretty horrible death, I might add).
Dude.. those are some wicked mean bites. And how many times must I tell you.. NO NOOKIE WITH THE ANTS! Next time you might listen to me! ;o)
fire ants suck. i’ve been attacked, they sound an alarm all at once and bam you start doing the chicken dance.
wow, thanks for sharing. I always had the feeling that you are the kind of guy who has ants in his pants.
hehe.
Part of me wants to say “feel better” and part of me wants to say “yuck, gross!”
You got drunk and passed out on the antpile again, didn’tcha?
Fucking hilarious, man.
Monkey Mantra to the rescue…
…and yet, I suspect a little boric acid sprinkled around the bed would have protected you better.
That’s a whole lot of inflammation…keep an eye on the bites, would you? I have a personal horror story involving a brown recluse spider that make me extremely conscientious where buggy bites are concerned.
I love it when I end up beneath Will.
i was all prepared to offer sympathy until i read the poetry in its entirety. funny indeed, but hope you feel better just the same.
har!
yikes..ant bites suck..
ants will perish.
at the hand of monkey.
*grin* You’re so weird.
You’re a crackup!
really? well that could be true, coz the shoes are outside a house where 3 guys constantly sit outside on the roof smoking weed all day. Walk past often enough I suspect you could get high from passive smoking
ridiculous rich. and can i tell you, for some odd reason, i like the picture of your calf. Hehe.
No, most fantabulous shakespeare-esque ode to nasty varmit bites. i’m impressed with your soliloquy.
HA! marvellous ode to whatever…
haha! this reminds me of my friend. she has hives, for whatever reason right now, and we think up thousands of fun ways she got them.
lol, oh syphilis.
just dont itch!
I now itch after reading this post and seeing that picture. Thanks.
MonkeyMonkeyMonkey
MonkeyMonkeyMonkey
MonkeyMonkeyMonkey
Monkeypox.
Oh I do so love you Rich…you sick, red-welted freak of the jungle you.
youch! I hate ant bites…
wish i could be so creative and inventive…so cool
Great monologue lol. thankgod its just ant bites. I hope your legs feel better soon!
[Jill]
Eeeeeek…i had ants falling from my ceiling once.. landing on my bed.
Satan’s spawn, they are
are you always this dramatic?!
i liked the poem. am glad it’s nothing really serious (it looks quite bad on the photo). hope the itchiness goes away soon
you’re a fool
Uh yeah, about that… at least it isn’t a spider bite. Those hurt and itch, so when you itch, you’re in pain. Dealt with that bit of loveliness last summer. Damn spiders.
–L
the monkey part is where it showed how articulate you really are
i think yer kinda funny.
HAHAHA what brilliance