December 18, 2003
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I always knew the mall was evil, but this takes the cake.
- J.C. Penny - The J.C. makes us think of Jesus Christ, thus associating
our Lord with the lowest monetary value, the penny (even Judas valued Him at
30 pieces of silver!). - Sears - What the flesh of the damned does in Hell. It also sounds
like "seers", Pagan mystics who engaged in occult premonitions. - Cinnabon - Sounds like "Sin Upon".
- Orange Julius - Named for the Pagan Emperor of Rome. This company's
mascot was once a devil, until they changed it to hide their true intentions. - Hot Topic - A recent store aimed at children that openly sells devil
paraphernalia. Any guess as to why "hot" is in their name? - Hallmark Gold Crown Stores - Purveyors of Santamas tree ornaments
depicting anthropomorphized woodland creatures (reference to Evolutionism)
and Harry Potter merchandise. What notable person will have a mark and wear
crowns? [Rev. 13:16, 13:1]
...Taken directly from: OBJECTIVE: Mall Mission.Also, make sure to check out the wacky KIDZ SECTION, with such lovable characters as Habu, the Hindu elephant (make sure to click the dot, kidz!), Mr. Gruff, the coffee addicted atheist goat and Hopsiah, the kanga-Jew. Yep, the kanga-jew. 3 cheers for teaching religious and ethnic intolerance and egocentrism to children! YAY!
More info on the kanga-jews:
"First, let me point out that the word "kangaroo" was coined by the Australian Aborigines after both they and the kangaroos had migrated to the Australian continent (which, at the time, was still indirectly connected to the Middle East, see inset). The word "kangaroo" means "I don't know" in Aboriginese. The story goes that when the first modern Europeans arrived in Australia, they saw a large hopping animal and asked one of the natives what it was called. "Kangaroo (I don't know)," he responded. It is understandable that he couldn't name the animal since his people had lost all knowledge of their Biblical heritage and thus would not have known the name given to the animal by Adam (Gen 2:19)."
(Taken directly from: here.
3 more cheers for partially basing a theory on a completely made up anecdote! YAY!
This whole article was written by:
Dr. Richard Paley
Dr. Richard Paley
Dr. Richard Paley comes to our movement through his involvement in fighting other forms of anti-Christian hatecrimes. He has lead successful boycotts against Sears and Piggly-Wiggly and has spearheaded the movement to stop Evolutionism from being forced on the children of Marian County. His experience in dealing with secularism's desperate grasp on power has proved invaluable as we move into the next phase of our campaign. Dr. Paley teaches Divinity and Theobiology at Fellowship University.
OBJECTIVE:
Creation Education - J.C. Penny - The J.C. makes us think of Jesus Christ, thus associating
Comments (36)
Piggly-Wiggly....haha. One must laugh when reading that name.
A coffee-addicted athiest goat...who would have thought?
Haha, that's really funny. It reminds me of the photoshop phriday on somethingawful.com with the religious toys
BWHAHAHAAHAH!!!! ...creepy psycho Christians...
Lies make baby Jesus cry! (only 2 points if you get the reference 'cuz it is a pretty easy one)
Wow...I'm a Christian and even I wouldn't go that far. I laugh at that garbage. and I've been to a piggly wiggly...buwa ha ha ha...
and someone said you had too much time on your hands, no these so called "christians" have way too much time on their hands. talk about being paranoid, these people see the devil everywhere.
'you may be moved to try and witness these poor lost souls, however, avoid talking to them! atheists are often very grumpy and bitter......blah de blah' uh. okaaay.
obviously a far right christian group! scary.
This, of course, explains the insidious way that all this Hot Topic clothing has slithered into my wardrobe. I mean, really, a "professor's wife" wouldn't actually shop at one of those places, would she?
Apropos of nuthin', that rouge pimpant display of yours has me aching to go red again for the New Year....
Oh, and Rich? All the links above have died.
Ha! Hilarous! We always knew the mall was evil. Kids who dress wierd hang out in malls all the time. Why not parks? Why not ice skating rings? Not wierd enough for you? Oh yeah, let's go to the MALL! EVIL!
HABU'S CORNER!!!!!!!!!!!! all i can say is AHHHHHHHHHH! Spreading this crap is why the world has so much hate in it. small minded individuals who cannot and will not love someone of a different culture. it makes me sick. this website clearly demonstrates why i am against organized religion. ~J
ok. what's the deal with having to type in my password everytime i want to leave you a comment....argh.
i feel like throwing a plate at the wall...!
We're just starting to get mall-rats over here due to the emergence of shopping centres all over the country ... so I guess by calling them shopping centres we can't have mall-rats ... shopping centre-rats doesn't have the same ring to it ... I'll shut up ....
I'm a coffee addicted goat. does that mean I'm by default atheist too?
hmm. that shit is crazy. yay for crazy christianity!
Did you read the part about how you should take a portable baptismal font to the mall, or a van so you can whisk away new converts to be baptized? Or have them exchange their gifts for salvation? Or pass out stickers to teens since they can't read, etc., etc.? That part was TOO hilarious. I *seriously* think that site was like the Onion version of online evangelism. It can't possibly be real. I mean, it even suggest Darth Maul from star wars was so named because it sounds like "mall."
The part about the old people "mall walkers" being cast off and having nowhere to go was the part that drove home to me that this MUST be some kind of parody. A damn fine one, too.
I love that page. "hey kid, wanna read some Ann Raynd?"
My friend Sean showed me this page awhile ago, and my absolute favorite line is "If you find an Atheist in your neighborhood, TELL A PARENT OR PASTOR RIGHT AWAY!You may be moved to try and witness to these poor lost souls yourself, however
AVOID TALKING TO THEM!"
Mommy, mommy that atheist over there just told me he'd give me candy if I got into his van and listened to him read me Ayn Rand!"
Interesting site.
i spent waaay too much time on that site a couple of weeks back trying to figure out if it's real or not.
it's definitely a hoax (check snopes.com)..but a pretty damn good one.
click on the atheist goat and he comes up with the funniest comments..!
Crap...was hoping no one would figure it out!
don't tell me about hell, i work at the mall
The SCARY part, is that while this is extreme, and apparantly a parody...it's not so far off the mark.
I still have glorious memorys of being coerced into going to a gal pal's youth group meeting and being told (by being required to watch a video) that He-Man action figures (Skeletor is the devil) as well as My Little Pony dolls (Pegasus was a winged god that snuck over hillsides to suprise and deflower young virgins) were Satanic.
Grumble grumble grumble...where the hell is my coffee?
so if thus guy "accidentally was killed", who would miss him? anyone?
Did you read the part about how you should take a portable baptismal font to the mall, or a van so you can whisk away new converts to be baptized? Or have them exchange their gifts for salvation? Or pass out stickers to teens since they can't read, etc., etc.? That part was TOO hilarious. I *seriously* think that site was like the Onion version of online evangelism. It can't possibly be real. I mean, it even suggest Darth Maul from star wars was so named because it sounds like "mall."
The part about the old people "mall walkers" being cast off and having nowhere to go was the part that drove home to me that this MUST be some kind of parody. A damn fine one, too.
oops, sorry, double-posted!!!
Cinnabun has always been the devil to me... the smell is repulsive, and it spreads to every corner of the mall within 40 feet of it. Grosssss.
I was just strolling through, and wow... WOW. That's a little bit scary, don't ya think?... But why is that true, I actually used to think of Jesus when I thought of J.C. Penny... anyway, nice page, Happy Friday!
BEWARE OF PEOPLE WITH GARDEN HOSES! THEY WILL TRY TO BAPTIZE YOU!!!!AHHHH....
right...my question is whether or not that site is made up to be funny? Or if people actually take relgion to that extreme. It said that they found a dinosaur....right. creeepy
Egads! Thank the Goddess these people are a minority in their own religion! I'm sure he saw the demon in the smoke rising from 9/11, too.
honestly, richard, where do you find this stuff?
honestly, richard, where do you find this stuff?
I've never worked at an Orange Julius store, but if I did, people like that may find a healthy dose of laxatives in their juliuses....
Did anyone notice that if you run your cursor over Lambuel's head on the Kidz page, that it spins like in The Exorcist. Scary shit, man.
On a more serious note, isn't it disturbing that a lot of right wing Christian sects promote the whole, "accept Jesus into your life and heart and then you can do whatever the hell you please because Jesus loves you UNCONDITIONALLY"? You know, like, for instance, you can start a war with some country because you think its a good idea. But its okay to kill a bunch of people and disrupt the tenuous balance of political power in this world, because Jesus loves you, damn it.
*cackles* good one!
it actually exists though! I went to a christian boarding school and trust me, one of my roomates told me straight out that I was pagan and would go straight to hell...and she refused to turn up for Bio classes because they dealt with Evolution. I've met quite a few of these people. I promise you.
My word. That was just full on scary. I couldn't believe it, then the kids page. I wanted to breaj something. I could have screamed if it weren't 1:37 in the morning...
p.s. ch 4 and 5, I believe, are up
True to Chaos,
Chaos Kitten
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