Inconsequential (A haiku)

Happy Holidays everyone.

2003 Recap in mostly chronological order. Mostly.

January
Finally got K out of my life, or so I thought.
Got depressed.
Started my present job (working with traumatic brain injury patients and people with disabilities).
Ran around naked in the woods during a rainstorm.

February
Had a near violent psychotic episode-slash-nervous breakdown thanks to MacOSX, firewire, a bad RAM chip and a webcam.
Coined the internet acronym "GYFAFMB" (Get Your Finger Away From My Butt) with the help of her.

March
Met a girl that went from nice to psycho in under a week.
Wrote a bunch of really bizarre entries about weird things.
Met another girl, much cooler than the other one but she lived in another state.
Considered growing a beard and going insane.
Made some bizarre graphics and posted them.
Read House of Leaves and based a Xanga skin on it.
Got depressed.

April
Nothing noteworthy happened, really.

May
Went to visit the cool-girl-in-another-state.
Started working out again.

June
Fucked up relationship with cool-girl-in-another-state.
Missed my Dad. A lot.
Got the burliest sinus infection I've ever had. Weird gold colored mucus and nose bleed hilarity ensues.
Got depressed.

July
Saw Frank Black at the Improv.
Got depressed.

August
Cheryl and I completed our first round of truth or dare (I had my red flannel trout boxers over my pants in the supermarket and she had 1 oversized boob at work).
Re-read House of Leaves.
Got my kitten.
Got my digital camera.
Met up with a lost friend.

September
Received a letter from K.
Went on a date type thing that had the worst chemistry between 2 people ever. EVER.
My car broke down and cost me a lot of money.
Stopped working out.
Oh, and I got depressed.

October
Started working out.
Ran out of things to write about.
Started my autobiographical entries.

November
Wrote another short story.
Didn't get the new position I applied for.
Started sleep eating again.
Decided that working for other people really sucks, and I want to own my own business.
Posted (protected) what I'd written over a year ago about the night my father died.
Cheryl instigates another round of truth or dare and I complete my dare.

December
Challenge Cheryl to her dare (Which she has yet to complete. Slacker).
Ordered a CD burner.
Wrote a whole bunch of things that never got publicly posted.
Car broke down again, costing me even more money this time.
Cancelled CD Burner because 20 days of waiting is more than long enough. Decided that LaCie sucks.
Car still isn't fixed (2 weeks now).
Convinced the Universe has decided that December is not my month for anything.
Got depressed.
Left Xanga.
Bye.


























just kidding.

The Very Secret Diaries of Lord of the Rings.
Old, but so very hilarious.

I always knew the mall was evil, but this takes the cake.

• J.C. Penny - The J.C. makes us think of Jesus Christ, thus associating
  our Lord with the lowest monetary value, the penny (even Judas valued Him at
  30 pieces of silver!).
  
• Sears - What the flesh of the damned does in Hell. It also sounds
  like "seers", Pagan mystics who engaged in occult premonitions.
  
• Cinnabon - Sounds like "Sin Upon".
  
• Orange Julius - Named for the Pagan Emperor of Rome. This company's
  mascot was once a devil, until they changed it to hide their true intentions.
  
• Hot Topic - A recent store aimed at children that openly sells devil
  paraphernalia. Any guess as to why "hot" is in their name?
  
• Hallmark Gold Crown Stores - Purveyors of Santamas tree ornaments
  depicting anthropomorphized woodland creatures (reference to Evolutionism)
  and Harry Potter merchandise. What notable person will have a mark and wear
  crowns? [Rev. 13:16, 13:1]
  

...Taken directly from: OBJECTIVE: Mall Mission.

Also, make sure to check out the wacky KIDZ SECTION, with such lovable characters as Habu, the Hindu elephant (make sure to click the dot, kidz!), Mr. Gruff, the coffee addicted atheist goat and Hopsiah, the kanga-Jew. Yep, the kanga-jew. 3 cheers for teaching religious and ethnic intolerance and egocentrism to children! YAY!

More info on the kanga-jews:
"First, let me point out that the word "kangaroo" was coined by the Australian Aborigines after both they and the kangaroos had migrated to the Australian continent (which, at the time, was still indirectly connected to the Middle East, see inset). The word "kangaroo" means "I don't know" in Aboriginese. The story goes that when the first modern Europeans arrived in Australia, they saw a large hopping animal and asked one of the natives what it was called. "Kangaroo (I don't know)," he responded. It is understandable that he couldn't name the animal since his people had lost all knowledge of their Biblical heritage and thus would not have known the name given to the animal by Adam (Gen 2:19)."
(Taken directly from: here.
3 more cheers for partially basing a theory on a completely made up anecdote! YAY!
This whole article was written by:

Dr. Richard Paley

e-mail

Dr. Richard Paley
Dr. Richard Paley comes to our movement through his involvement in fighting other forms of anti-Christian hatecrimes. He has lead successful boycotts against Sears and Piggly-Wiggly and has spearheaded the movement to stop Evolutionism from being forced on the children of Marian County. His experience in dealing with secularism's desperate grasp on power has proved invaluable as we move into the next phase of our campaign. Dr. Paley teaches Divinity and Theobiology at Fellowship University.
OBJECTIVE:
Creation Education

Yesterday, for the first time in what has to be close to 8 months, I turned my television on. I'm not much of a movie or television fan; I'd rather read the book. I was lucky enough to catch a movie called Heat, with a really great cast of actors. Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Val Kilmer, Jon Voight, Ashley Judd, Natalie Portman and Tom Sizemore. It's a really good crime drama, and I recommend it if you like the genre. It ranks right up there with Reservoir Dogs and The Usual Suspects.
During the movie, De Niro's character expressed a certain philosophy a few times. I quote, "Do not have any attachments, do not have anything in your life you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you spot the heat around the corner."
Overall, not a socially healthy attitude, or one conducive to the "normal" view of a full life, but it does lend itself to a Buddhist non-attachment to matter and the reality we perceive.
On the other side of the coin, one could say walking away is the coward's way out. That it's easier to slink away in shadows, tail between legs, than it is to stay and maintain.
Sometimes I guess it is.

"...crashed this side of happiness
hit the floor; a hit or miss
without the strength to follow through
walked right past this life in you

just one more kiss
just one more chance
just one more life
of circumstance
just one more call
taking a chance
on circumstance."
- Across Five Years, by Boy Sets Fire

This has to be the best thing I've ever made with Photoshop.

LINKIN SOUTHPARK [INBRED THEORY]

Have you ever had a time in your life where you try and try to get on your feet, to get things going, only to get kicked the fuck down every time you try?
Yeah. My life sucks right now.

For Frejaluna, because I didn't email it to her when I said I would...

"... but she made an astounding discovery which I can't believe has never been made; I have stars in my eyes. It's true. Little splotches that look exactly like stars. So that explains a lot of things. I'm looking at the world from a warped perspective. You can't go around with stars in your eyes, it fucks you up, it's not right. How did I grow them? And maybe this explains my obsession with television shows like Arsenio Hall, Lives of The Rich and Famous, and the countless other shows in which famous people talk about themselves and their hobbies. I guess I was raised on Channel Zero. Too many cartoons on Saturday, too many melodis, too many drunken quotations. But my drinking has subsided for the time being. How the fuck are you?"
- from the Soulside "Soon Come Happy" cd insert.

This is abso-fucking-lutely hilarious.
Google search results for "miserable failure". Check the top listing. HA!