July 27, 2003
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Jack? No. Frank? No. Lewis Black (And I’m Having A Baby…?)
Lewis Black – he brought the house down. Anything I try to quote or paraphrase would just…suck.
While I was there, I ran into someone I haven’t seen in almost a year and joined him and some friends at their table right next to the stage.
During our catching-up talk, he asked me if it was true I was having a kid.
I answered in the negative by promptly shooting cola out of my face in a rough impersonation of that weird Sid & Marty Croft/heavy drug use-inspired water toy that I can’t remember the name of for the life of me. The one you hook to your garden hose and it has the tubes coming out of it’s head…
Enough with me waving my tangenitals around.
I confirmed the fact that, no, I wasn’t having a child and enjoyed the rest of the night.
However, I would like to have a kid. Sort of. Not a real one. Not yet anyways.
But I need a surrogate mother.
Tell me why I should choose you as surrogate mother in 500 words or less and the winner gets to have my imaginary child.
Comments (24)
Erm, because I somehow managed to be first commenter twice in a row? Which means it’s fate. OR, that I’m very prompt. Either of which is good. Heh. So are you having an imaginary girl or an imaginary boy or is that “to be determined”?
P.S. And that was wayyyy less than 500 words so I’m also concise!
because i too politically correct to tell you that i am God. 12 words, it’s even and everything.
Forget it…I don’t want imaginery stretch marks. Plus, I’d probably have to sue you for the imaginery child support, ya deadbeat.
You want to have an imaginery monkey child?
Weirdo.
Oh, I’ve been meaning to tell you…No, no, that’s not even funny. lol. I’ll pass on that one.
Because….Where else are you gonna find a hot little ass to look at as you make an imaginary baby?! Need i remind you?
Also because you could ‘worship me like aphrodite’ Hey…wait, I’m already pregnant 
LOL I’m probably disqualified huh, or maybe over qualified. We can still fuck if ya want!
Because I’m smart and polite and nice and cute and…waaaaait a minute – you said surrogate mother, right? That means no sex would be involved, right? Well then, piss off. Who the hell wants to be pregnant for 9 frickin’ months without even having sex?
Sheesh. What a bum deal.
Hah – verrry sneaky way to get women to hit on you. I want to answer this, I really do, but I’m sure you have enough candidates and I personally feel no need to try to convince anyone of my nurturing abilities.
tangenitals?
you *are* back.
because my little body photoshopped into pregnant godessness would look really really neat
and um…i’d be a good mommy, i love babies! and a saturnalia baby would be really really sweet!
ok, so i just want to know what i’d look like pregnant. how selfish is that? haha
ROFLMAO!!!!! By “tangenitals”, mate, I think you mean “tangentials”.. at least, I hope so, otherwise you should probably spend less time in the sun… *chokes with laughter*
wow. you are such a poseur
i’m not sure i should even comment on this one because you might pick me as a surrogate mother and i’m a guy? but: LOL at tangenitals. you make trigonometry sound so significunt.
because my body is a rocky place where your seed will never find purchase.
Because I can explain occam’s razor in under 50 words.
good to find a no pretense site.
Lewis Black makes me laugh so hard.
dude, I am having your baby. Go find that someone you haven’t seen in a year and tell him you made a grave mistake.
hey… random props
very cute.
haha that was funny. random props!!
Oh my, as much as I would just LOVE to be the surrogate mother of your imaginary child…well I just think I’m not ready for that kind of responsibility. I can still buttcling to you, yes? :*(
oh my turn! you should pick me because we both have weird usernames and we could name our imaginary kid something like “plankton.” Both are usernames sound like condom brands too, or maybe even some weird position from the kama suptra. BTW, you got to see lewis black. The ultimate angry jew…i envy you so, very, very much
heh… because I got it like that, yo.