March 10, 2003
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“looks like i picked the wrong week to quit sniffin’ glue…“
- airplane!
i’m considering going mad for a bit and growing a beard. because without a beard, you’re never insane enough. wearing my glasses more often. i can wear them with one arm off my ear and one lens smudged with blue greasy fingerprints and hair. i’m considering cultivating more bad habits, like sticking things up my nose and in my mouth. in that order. pennies and micromachines work great for this. considering formulating my own personal line of colognes, things people just shouldn’t smell like. ozone, asparagus, wet feather pillow, muskrat, hamper & locker room (this will be my line of dandruff promoting shampoo), habitrail in the sun. habitrail in the sun, i like that phrase. i want a human sized habitrail, sans woodchips and rodentia. or a human sized hamster ball. no, not human sized hamster balls. that’s sick. freak.
or maybe i’ll adopt an innocuous, yet mildly offensive addiction. fish jerky would be choice.
“Insanity doesn’t run in my family. It gallops“
- Arsenic and Old Lace
further proof of my hannibal lecter-ish propensity for dungeons & dragons style chaotic-good aligned acts of…ehhh…whatever.
an acquaintance of mine, while a nice guy, is without a doubt, the most anal person i know. he’s the type of guy that will line up the handles of his silverware with the edge of the table and the tips with the edge of the napkin before eating. i’ve seen him do this. being the way that i am, this just tap dances on my nerves. think gregory hines, methamphetamines and soccer cleats and you’re getting warm.
mildly inebriated one night, we start playing chess.
i am a fair chess player, i know some of the classic openings, some decent traps, and have an ok comprehension of strategy and placements.
we were pretty evenly matched, until i noticed how retentive he was being about placing the chess pieces.
heh.
5 moves later, half my pieces are off center, my bottle of beer is off the pattern on the table, the chess board is slightly askew, my wallet and keys are causing a feng shui trainwreck in this guys soul.
he’s been driven to distraction. he’s literally twitching wanting to rearrange everything.
i get checkmate. sucker.
“Chess is mental torture.“
- Gary Kasparov
Comments (22)
*Falls over laughing*
HABITRAIL!
do it.! you should. you’d still be as attractive.
*giggles*
xoxo<3
try this addiction: anchovy paste. start putting it on your pop-tarts and i’ll be your bitch for life.
I think you’re already getting a good start on the sticking-things-up-your-nose one.
You ever play chess online?
When I’m out walking I strut my stuff yeah I’m so strung out
I’m high as a kite I just might stop to check you out
let me go on like habitrail in the sun
let me go on big hands I know your the one
body and beats I stain my sheets I don’t even know why
my girlfriend she’s at the end she is starting to cry
let me go on like habitrail in the sun
let me go on big hands I know your the one…
Gordon Gano wants to know why you never call him anymore.
Me, I’m working towards a chaotic neutral state of being with a few evil tendencies. However, until I’m able to attain that state of being, I’ll continue on as Vice-President Pro-Tem for the League of Anal Retentives of the North American Continent. And I must inform you that your chess debacle story is appalling. For shame sir. For shame!
“i’m considering going mad for a bit…”
ummm, i thought you already had? awww, i’ll still love ya
what an evil boy you are to play chess with 
but dontcha just love to bug the hell out of people like that, just for the simple fact that you can!
You are exactly right. If you can remember to shave everyday…
*L* messing with someone with ocd is an exceptionally noble thing, I need some tips on how to get my neighbor. He’s a freak.
fish jerky sounds rank. i like the smell of ozone… it’s the smell of a rain storm/electrical storm. Mmmmm give me some of that.
my personal least favorite smell-that-people-shouldn’t-smell-like is damp baby neck. mmm, mildewy.
i swear, if i wasn’t already subscribed to you… well, i’d feel all left out and shit.
“Fish jerky would be choice”…..Best. Sentence. All. Week.
You’re a riot, man. And love the new stylesheet!
“i’m considering going mad for a bit…” I love it!
Fish jerky would work… but if you really want to stink up a place, the Swedish specialty Surströmming, which is fermented Baltic herring is exactly what you need.
A surströmming initiation: http://www.escapeartist.com/efam32/swedish.html
*grin* That was just a tad evil of you. In a good way of course.
you are in rare form.. good to see ya bounce back from yesterday’s depressive state…
you, my dear, are very, very silly.
::laughs::
Ok, I can’t help myself:
He had just had a wonderful idea about how to cope with the terrible lonely isolation, the nightmares, the failure of all his attempts at horticulture, and the sheer futurelessness and futility of his life here on prehistoric Earth, which was that he would go mad. He beamed again and took a bite out of a rabbit leg left over from his supper. He chewed happily for a few moments and then decided formally to announce his decision.
He stood up straight and looked the world squarely in the fields and hills. To add weight to his words he stuck the rabbit bone in his hair. He spread his arms out wide. “I will go mad!” he announced.
Douglas Adams… I loved that man. Do you need a rabbit bone?
Best line of the week had to be “a feng shui train wreck in this guy’s soul” Had I been drinking something, it woulda been spewed all over the monitor. *UNF* just for that.
I’m stuck on human sized hamster balls.
and I love arsenic and old lace.
I forgot what else I was going to say. but I know I liked reading this.
what else can i say except……*BOOTAY cling* hoooh yeah.
And uh. Dude. I couldn’t play chess to save my life.
micromachines!!! heh, heh.
And I want that bumpersticker that says, “I had my car’s alignment checked… it’s chaotic neutral!” :p
heh heh heh
(another closet TSR freak, hmmm?)