personal hygiene update:
i am slightly moist, slightly greasy and smell of herbs. film at 11.

a minute by minute narrative of Dan Rather's spiral into madness while covering the 2004 election
by way of ratherbiased.com

BIZARRE/BIAS CHRONOLOGY
Beginning with reverse order, all times EST

--7:23 pm "I know it's Copley Plaza but we were having a 3,000 calorie
attack every half hour as close as this race is."

--7:36 pm "Ohio now turns into a sauna for both of the candidates. All they
can do is wait and sweat."

--7:43 pm, On polling: "This is more complicated than the wiring diagram for
some hydroelectric dam dynamo, trying to figure out the absentee ballots,
the people who voted in advance and taking in the exit poll data from
today."

--7:54 pm, Bob Schieffer reported that Joe Lockart, campaign adviser to the
Kerry campaign says that he thinks Kerry has a chance to win every one of
the battleground states, despite the fact that hardly any polls had come in.

"Well, you know the old saying, Bob--Don't taunt the alligator until after
you've crossed the creek. Apparently Joe Lockhart doesn't subscribe to
that."

8:24 pm, Cautioning that viewers shouldn't read too much into early
electoral vote counts: "In some ways, George Bush's lead is as thin as
November ice."

8:35 pm, Lesley Stahl calls the NRA the "NAR."

10:04 pm, On the importance of Democrats keeping Bob Graham's Senate seat:
"Democrats almost absolutely positively, teetotally need to hold that seat."

11:10 pm, Sean "P. Diddy" Combs channels Dan Rather on MTV: "This race is
tight as a frog's ass"

11:26 pm, On desirability of Florida: "hotter than a Times Square Rolex."

12:52 am, Subtle dig at Fox News which had just projected Bush would win
Ohio: "In case you've been watching one of those other places that doesn't
have as good of information, here's what's happening."

1:02 am, NBC calls Ohio for Bush. "President Bush's reelection is at the
door, knock, knock, knock."

1:11 am, Still reluctant to call Ohio for Bush, CBS tries the alternate
route: reporter Bill Plante relays that Bush adviser Karl Rove told the
president he would win the state.
After break, Rather adds: "Yes we are aware that in some other quarters they
have projected it, but we would rather be last than wrong."

RATHER: "Is this just gamesmanship? Are the Bush people saying these things
to make themselves look better in case there's a recount?"

BILL PLANTE: That's true. They always act like they're winning even when
they're not

1:33 am, On closeness of race in some states: "This race is hot enough to
peel paint off a house."

2:14 am, Dan starts getting frustrated. "Our coverage continues with Ohio,
'Hey kimosabe, no one knows.'"

2:22 am, "Folks, these are the kinds of nights that give campaign managers a
case of the hives or something. One reason so many of them drink a lot,
because you have these situations in which, you know, you think you got it,
you're right there, you're right there, you're close enough to feel it, and
then somebody like one of these overpaid television anchor men come up and
say you know what, that state may not just be going your way."

3:21 am, Dan Rather plays psychiatrist to Lesley Stahl:

STAHL: Well, it's unique, and I don't know about you, Dan, but it makes me
despair, because it's up in the air. It's unsettled. I know we all talked
about this before we started getting returns. What we all prayed for was a
decision that was final, that we could go to the American people and say
this is it. Anything that's left uncertain like this is sure to create more
turmoil, it's just not healthy for our system. It's not a good thing that we
are sitting here telling the American people. We can't help it, but we want
to see healing, and this is not conducive to that, it doesn't seem to me.
RATHER: Let me say something to you personally. Don't despair. Despair is
not in the American character. The country will be all right whatever
happens here, however long it takes to square it away, and i understand
you're saying the heartache we're going to have to go through, but we're a
big continental country, so don't despair. Not in our character. We're
optimists by experience and by nature here in this country, so however it
turns out, we're going to be ok.

some more Dan Rather-isms

"Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic."

"Texas: 32 electoral votes, another of the so-called big enchiladas or if not an enchilada at least a huge taco."

"They say California's the big burrito; Texas is a big taco right now. We want to follow that through. Florida is a big tamale."

"The Michigan Republican primary apparently is tighter than Willie Nelson's headband."

"Are the Democrats going to dance the mandate Macarena?"

"The reelection of Bill Clinton is as secure as a double-knot tied in wet rawhide."

"This race between Dick Swett and Bob Smith is hot and tight as a too-small bathing suit on a too-long car ride back from the beach."

"We may see Michael Jackson's baby before we know the final outcome of this race for the House of Representatives tonight."

"Folks, let me point out something to you, because for a lot of people in Washington, they could not be more surprised if Fidel Castro came loping through on the back of a hippopotamus this Election Night"

"It’s an obscene comparison, and I’m not sure I like it, but there was a time, in South Africa, where people would put flaming tires around peoples’ necks if they dissented. And in some ways, the fear is that you’ll be necklaced here, you’ll have the flaming tire of lack of patriotism put around your neck. Now it’s that fear that keeps journalists from asking the toughest of the tough questions and to continue to bore in on the tough questions so often. And again, I’m humbled to say, I do not except myself from this criticism."

"What I say or do here won't matter much, nor should it."

my sinuses are killing me.

this is one of the silliest things i've ever seen on the internets.

http://www.sevenohfive.com/videos/threecardstuds.mov

dial up users be warned: your computer will die a slow and agonizing death. the file is 28.7 megs.

a bulleted list of why i like minus the bear
i'm bored and am blogging.

• the drummer is technically proficient, but also has a strong sense of taste and reservation. he knows not to go batshiat insane over complex melodies. he knows how to fit in the pocket and just make you shake your ass.
• same goes for the bassist. that boy has a groove like some mr wizard experiment using a sheet of plywood and a steel ball bearing.
• if you figure out what that means, please, let me know.
• the rhythm section is tight. air tight. hermetically sealed. they serve up a flawless amalgamation of rock and drum n bass.
• the guitar work - my favorite part. both guitarists hover a fine line between technically complex melodies and pop catchiness.
• the interaction between the guitars is fantastic. simultaneous and counterpoint melodies, rounds, they do it all. and they do it with catchiness.
• then they launch into raucous, boisterous distorted guitar parts that'll make you want to shake your beer and spray it while you hoot and holler. but you'd probably be in front of your computer listening to an mp3. so that would be dumb. don't.
• the vocals have a laid back feel to them. like no matter how loud the music, you just want to lie back and listen. or keep driving into that sunset. you could easily just lie in bed and listen, as you could get up and dance around the house. preferably naked. while i watch. from the bushes.
• the lyrical content: mostly vignettes whose subjects range from renting a yacht and partying, to meeting someone on the street who you know looks familiar and might have fallen in love with at a club last weekend, told in a narrative style
• narrative with a dash of film noir quality.
• minusthebear.com
• i'm off to listen.

--
ADDENDUM
i can't believe i didn't list some song titles

• let's play clowns
• i'm totally not down with rob's alien
• thanks for the killer game of crisco twister
• monkey!!!knife!!!fight!!!
• absinthe party at the fly honey warehouse
• i lost all my money at the cock fights

PRINT FOR SALE

7" x 5.5"
photo taken with ansco box camera, kodak tri-x pan film. print made with beseler IIIc enlarger on kodak professional polycontrast IV RC paper. hand tinted. signed on back. please note that "© 2004 r bagley" DOES NOT appear on the print. please email to buy.

just now...

erin and i are entertaining iris as she takes a bath. as we're all talking, reciting silly goo goo ga ga ki ki ka ka noises to our entertainment, erin notices what iris is doing with her nemo bath toy.
erin: "uh. honey... why are you sticking nemo on your vagina?"
iris: "i'm sorry... was it yours?"
me: "..."

bahahaha!

because kelly asked me a while ago for this...
the camera collection so far

clicken beholden embiggen viewen

a. polaroid 400 land camera
b. polaroid colorpack land camera
c. minolta x370
d. kodak brownie hawkeye
e. holga 120 sf
f. agfa-ansco memar pronto
g. kodak duaflex II
h. polaroid 900 land camera
i. ansco box camera
j. canon canonet QL17
k. keystone everflash
l. argus c-30
m. polaroid 210 land camera
n. yashica electro35
o. yashica gsn
p. chinon infrafocus
q. kodak hawkeye instamatic
r. spykids happymeal camera
s. meikai 4 shooter
t. kodak brownie twin*
u. nikon coolpix 2100*

*not shown

1 & 2 (the rest will follow)
hurricane frances.

if i remember correctly, hurricane frances made landfall at about 2:00 am. we had been getting rain and increasing stronger winds and gusts starting about 2 or 3 pm. so, almost 12 hours from the outermost feeder bands until the hurricane force winds and eye wall. she was huge and moving slow. 8 - 12mph forward motion. only a little faster than the average walking speed. i had slept during the day as much as possible, knowing it would be better to be awake and prepared during the night hours. unfortunately, i was right.
after a few hours of flickering on and off, the power goes out at 10:30pm. nothing to do but listen to the radio and wait.
i guess it was around 1:00am the first time i heard it;
THUNK THUNK WHAM
i looked up at the celing, not know what it was. the sound, something like a workboot in the clothes dryer. this, over the constant freight-train whistle of 73+/- mph sustained winds whipping past eaves and through fences. rain pelted into the house hard enough to sound like hail. the air warm and dead-still inside the house. it happened again. and again. and again, in shorter intervals. it's debris from somewhere, hitting and skittering across the roof.
WHAM
the only thing for me to do is to sit on the couch, listen to the radio and be patient. surrounded by the maelstrom, safe inside the dead air.
the sustained wind wasn't so bad, it's the gusting. sometimes you could hear them coming, a building whooshing sound. most of the time you didn't. WHAM THUNK
a small sound reached my ears. a spattering sound. i bit my fingernail and tilted my head, trying to hear it, where it was. the dining room. i see water dripping from the hanging lamp and onto the table. i pointed the light up at the ceiling and see a dark grey damp spot surround the fixture in the ceiling. the roof is leaking and water is coming into the house. with the flash light, i check the rest of the house. damp spots in the 2 master bedrooms, the office, the living room and the dining room. with eyes looking elsewhere, i listen for the telltale drips and spatters. every 10 or 15 minutes, i make the rounds, checking the leaks. they getting bigger. metallic plinks and plonks into the 4 pans on the dining room table. i find another, from the frame around the sliding glass door. water is almost flowing from it. the plaster is cracked and saturated, the aluminum framing is pulling away from the wood. i throw down a few towels and the garbage can to catch the water, and head to the garage to flip the main breaker off. as i'm walking into the garage, i jump from a sudden crash behind me. pointing the flashlight, i see what it is. the curtain rod had fallen from the window in the living room. i walk over to see why. the dry wall was saturated. the screws had easily pulled out of the gypsum mud that the walls were becoming. water flowed and dripped from the frame around the window, and out of the screw holes. i went back to the garage and hit the breaker, then made my rounds again. the water had seeped in to the point that the seams between the drywall in the ceiling was clearly visible. things were falling out of the walls. my house was fucking melting. so i made the decision not to stay. i woke my mother, sleeping in one of the guestrooms. quickly and quietly i explained what was happening. she didn't want to leave. i further explained that there was a very real possibility that the ceiling would collapse, and i'd rather not be here if it did, so start putting garbage bags over everything, 'cause we're going to erin's. everything was covered by, or emptied into garbage bags and put somewhere safe. i grabbed the imac and put it in a garbage bag by the front door. everything we were taking with us, put it by the door i had said. titles, deeds, registrations, the computer, clothes. i grabbed my cat and had to stuff him into his carry bag. he was yowling and crying, scared shitless. my moms dog leashed, restless and baying.
time to throw everything into the cars and go.
this is not fun.
there are no lights.
pitch black.
i couldn't tell.
if i was about to.
get hit.
by debris.
the rain stung and needled my face and arms. something between acupuncture and sandpaper.
there could be a terra cotta roof tile whipping at my face this very second, 70mph, as i'm putting the computer into my back seat.
this is nerve wracking. this is not fun.
soaking wet and all loaded up, i'm ready to go. i'm in the lead, mom following in her car. i decide to go the shorter route. less time spent out in the open is less time for something bad to happen. it's about 1/3 of a mile to erin's. halfway down the block, the water is deep enough to cover my headlights. a little less than halfway to erin's house, it's coming up over the hood of my car. let me describe this again; it's pitch black (no street lights, the power is out everywhere), 70+ mph winds, the water in the road was deep enough to start coming up over the hood of my car (3+ ft). i couldn't see anything aside from the silver streaks of rain and the wavering yellowish light from headlights underwater. making a right turn a little too early put me into the edge of the corner house's lawn. my car is stuck in the super saturated mud of the lawn. it won't budge. waving and screaming at the top of my voice, i dirct my mom to try to shove my car out with hers. it's a no go. i decide to leave it. at this moment, shelter is more important. back out into the wind and rain, ankle deep in muck and knee deep in water, i moved my stuff to her car.
this is not fun.
that was about a month ago. it still isn't fun.
as a side note, the thunking across the roof i heard?
it was shingles from my house being ripped up and blown across the roof. about 50%, the entire south side of my house, had no shingles by 4am that sunday.

ok, i'm back. not much to say at the moment, other than i'm looking forward to a heroic dose of valerian & kava kava and a warm bed to share with my girlfriend. i have a headache that is making my whole face hurt. and probably yours, if you were here. in the meantime, pick which topic i should post first:
1. hurricane frances
2. hurricane jeanne
3. bodybuilder at the porno store (and porno in general, i guess)
4. my opinion of bloggers who e-panhandle
5. FEMA
6. first floridian insurance company
7. headaches in all shapes and sizes resulting from various stress levels (a subject i've become an expert in over the last 2 months)
8. the CEO of goodwill
9. photography
10. [make up your own]
11. [have someone else make one up for you]
12. michael moore
13. maddox mission
14. music
15. books
16. you
17. me
18. them
19. their mothers
20. all of the above