February 23, 2005

  • "I'm irresponsible.
    I'm irrational.
    It's irreversible.
    What are you gonna do?
    And if it's in my head,
    and if I'm just paranoid,
    I guess it's just jealousy,
    when it comes to you.
    But you'll never guess,
    It's like exercising.
    When I try to disguise it,
    I avoid your eyes.
    You'll never know,
    inside
    I can't stand it at all,
    When every word is a lie,
    but I go through it all;
    Lies are just exercises.
    And I can't help myself,
    because I've always lied to myself.
    I've had to fake so much,
    what are you gonna do?
    And if you see through it all,
    and I can't excuse myself,
    I think I need your help
    to see me through.
    What are you gonna do?
    Lies are just exercises."
    - exercise, dag nasty

    i've been sick-sleeping on and off all day long. i'm at the tail end of a killer headache and a near bout of puking. erin was kind enough to bring me some cherry-ass flavored theraflu, but i think the red dye #40 poisoned me. it's the thought that counts.
    so now i'm feeling better, thank you 2 tylenol pm, 1 regular tylenol and a can of barq's.
    anyhow, chatting to her husband (via messaging her) got me waxing nostalgic about the music of my not so far gone youth. i'm currently rocking out to dag nasty's wig out at denko's album.
    waxing nostalgic.
    i've forgotten how much i love this music; music being played because they meant it, it wasn't 'cool', it wasn't because they heard it at some uber shop at the mall, it wasn't to get signed and go on tour with blink 182. there's an emotional rawness that isn't around in music any more.
    here's some links if you're interested:

    Agent Orange
    Dag Nasty
    Pegboy

    "Be prepared
    I know what's coming next.
    If she's entertaining doubts I guess that you know what is best.
    So I should
    be prepared
    to make due with what is left
    and if I can't prepare myself at least I know what to expect.
    My mind's made up about her,
    I couldn't live without her.
    So many times
    So many times
    I should have thanked God that I have her.
    And when I'm back home,
    safe in her arms,
    don't knock on her door,
    don't pick up your phone,
    If she's entertaining doubts how do I explain,
    a grain of salt for her to take with the things that you say.
    despite the distance, give me trust
    and I will bring it home to you.
    Give me till nothing's left but patience
    and I will bring it home to you.
    She only wants to spare you and I the time
    we so faithfully invested.
    She throws it in our faces,
    you've been taken advantage of,
    is that all I'm capable of ?
    if it's just bitterness don't let it blind her"
    - trouble is, dag nasty

    i finished geek love by katherine dunn earlier today. i had forgotten how much of a beautifully written, mind bender of a story it is. chuck palahniuk wishes he would have written this story. on the surface, it's about a traveling family of carnival freaks. scratch the surface and it's about sibling rivalry. scratch it a little more and it's about what society deems normal. scratch more and you have a sickly black humored tale of manipulation and obsession.

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