Solving this jigsaw puzzle and posting about this sweepstakes for Big Red makes me eligible for free Xanga Premium for life...

"From the forest itself comes the hand for the ax
Split this wilderness listen up this ain't where it's at
Clear a path so that you could find your way back
Chop 'em down, chop 'em down"

yes! MATISYAHU tonight! photos tomorrow.

also, a note on the previous entry:

i like chuck p a lot, but geek love (to me) is a chuck p story times 10. that is all.

"I'm irresponsible.
I'm irrational.
It's irreversible.
What are you gonna do?
And if it's in my head,
and if I'm just paranoid,
I guess it's just jealousy,
when it comes to you.
But you'll never guess,
It's like exercising.
When I try to disguise it,
I avoid your eyes.
You'll never know,
inside
I can't stand it at all,
When every word is a lie,
but I go through it all;
Lies are just exercises.
And I can't help myself,
because I've always lied to myself.
I've had to fake so much,
what are you gonna do?
And if you see through it all,
and I can't excuse myself,
I think I need your help
to see me through.
What are you gonna do?
Lies are just exercises."
- exercise, dag nasty

i've been sick-sleeping on and off all day long. i'm at the tail end of a killer headache and a near bout of puking. erin was kind enough to bring me some cherry-ass flavored theraflu, but i think the red dye #40 poisoned me. it's the thought that counts.
so now i'm feeling better, thank you 2 tylenol pm, 1 regular tylenol and a can of barq's.
anyhow, chatting to her husband (via messaging her) got me waxing nostalgic about the music of my not so far gone youth. i'm currently rocking out to dag nasty's wig out at denko's album.
waxing nostalgic.
i've forgotten how much i love this music; music being played because they meant it, it wasn't 'cool', it wasn't because they heard it at some uber shop at the mall, it wasn't to get signed and go on tour with blink 182. there's an emotional rawness that isn't around in music any more.
here's some links if you're interested:

Agent Orange
Dag Nasty
Pegboy

"Be prepared
I know what's coming next.
If she's entertaining doubts I guess that you know what is best.
So I should
be prepared
to make due with what is left
and if I can't prepare myself at least I know what to expect.
My mind's made up about her,
I couldn't live without her.
So many times
So many times
I should have thanked God that I have her.
And when I'm back home,
safe in her arms,
don't knock on her door,
don't pick up your phone,
If she's entertaining doubts how do I explain,
a grain of salt for her to take with the things that you say.
despite the distance, give me trust
and I will bring it home to you.
Give me till nothing's left but patience
and I will bring it home to you.
She only wants to spare you and I the time
we so faithfully invested.
She throws it in our faces,
you've been taken advantage of,
is that all I'm capable of ?
if it's just bitterness don't let it blind her"
- trouble is, dag nasty

i finished geek love by katherine dunn earlier today. i had forgotten how much of a beautifully written, mind bender of a story it is. chuck palahniuk wishes he would have written this story. on the surface, it's about a traveling family of carnival freaks. scratch the surface and it's about sibling rivalry. scratch it a little more and it's about what society deems normal. scratch more and you have a sickly black humored tale of manipulation and obsession.

There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.

Hunter S. Thompson
07/18/37 - 02/20/05

See you on the edge of Barstow, man.

bitch done tagged me.

1. Total amount of music files on your computer?
332 songs, 21:54:45 total time, 1.47 GB

2. The last CD you bought was?
they make beer commercials like this by minus the bear

3. What was the last song you listened to before reading this message?
teenage wristband by the twilight singers

4. Write down 5 songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you.
i. the scientists by hum
ii. dog park by minus the bear
iii. i against i by the bad brains
iv. the lurid traversal of route 7 by hoover
v. apollo by hum

5. What 3 people are you going to pass this baton to and why?
erin
samantha
tej

because they're rock stars.

I was curious just how many people Saddam and his buddies had killed during their 25 year reign. After a lot of digging, I found State Department reports that showed the following:

From IRAQ: CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY - Leaders as Executioners

2,040 deaths

Executed opponents and suspected potential rivals, including scores of high-level government officials and thousands of political prisoners.

1,070,000 deaths

The 1980-88 Iran-Iraq war left 150,000 to 340,000 Iraqis and 450,000 to 730,000 Iranians dead.

1,000 deaths

Ordered the invasion and destruction of Kuwait in 1990-91 with 1,000 Kuwaitis killed.

60,000 deaths

Directed the 1991 bloody suppression of Kurdish and Shi'a insurgencies in northern and southern Iraq with at least 30,000 to 60,000 killed.

7,000 deaths

Periodically ordered during 1988-99 mass prison executions of several thousand inmates ("prison cleansing").

20,000 deaths

Known as Saddam's "Shi'a thug", he violently suppressed the 1991 Shi'a uprisings after the Gulf War with tens of thousands killed.

From Saddam's Brutality Against the Iraqi People

100,000 deaths

The campaign resulted in the death of at least 50,000 to 100,000 Iraqi Kurds, according to Human Rights Watch reports.

2,000 deaths

During the 1991 Iraqi repression of the post-Gulf war Kurdish insurrection, thousands of Iraqi Kurds died, 500,000 became refugees along northern Iraq's "no-fly zone" bordering Turkey, and 1.2 to 1.4 million other refugees fled to Iran.

For good measure, I checked for data on refugees as well:

From War Crimes

900,000 refugees

The Iraqi government's campaign of forced deportations of Kurdish and Turkomen families to southern Iraq has created approximately 900,000 internally displaced citizens throughout the country.

From Saddam's Brutality Against the Iraqi People

1900000 refugees

During the 1991 Iraqi repression of the post-Gulf war Kurdish insurrection, thousands of Iraqi Kurds died, 500,000 became refugees along northern Iraq's "no-fly zone" bordering Turkey, and 1.2 to 1.4 million other refugees fled to Iran.

From Destroying the Marshes

240,000 refugees

By 1993 the marshes sheltered 200,000 to 250,000 inhabitants — more than half Marsh Arabs; the rest various internally displaced persons and oppositionists. Today, nearly all are displaced — less than 10,000 Marsh Arabs still survive the regime's systematic destruction, bulldozing, and artillery bombardments, while thousands were secretly executed by Iraqi forces, including women and children.

From Invading Kuwait

1500000 refugees

It is estimated that 1.5 million people were displaced abroad by Iraq's occupation of Kuwait, while the remaining 750,000 endured brutalities, oppression, torture, and more than 1,000 were killed.

So a reasonable read of these numbers shows that Saddam Hussein's Iraq was responsible for the deaths of 1.26 million Iraqis and other Arabs, and for the creation of 4.54 million refugees.
- found here

now... my question is - why did it take so long for someone, anyone (WMD issues aside for the moment here), to step up. why the fuck was hussein left to rule?
WHY. ISN'T. ANYONE. STEPPING. UP. FOR. THESE?
OR. THESE?
seems to me the UN (read: france, et al) is more worried about the human rights of the countries that export the most, rather than nations of the world at large.

reverse chronological

yesterday was pretty cool. i took the evening off from school to spend time with erin and iris, and to have the valentines thing with erin. we made taco salad and exchanged gifts, and then watched the ladykillers (a cohen brothers remake of this film). she got me the best t shirt ever:

and some lucky boxer shorts.
i got her a hot-bitch-power-suit (you need to wear it for me.. with the boots... or i'm cutting you off, hun. i mean it.) and a funky national geographic binoculars-camera.

--

friday night. one of the worst nights of my life. erin went to work as usual (she works at a local hospital, 11pm-7am a few nights a week), so i just messed around at home until i was tired enough to go to sleep, around 1am. i just got into bed to read and someone's knocking at my door. it's erins mom and she's telling me that erin had a 'heart episode' at work and she's been admitted as a patient. i threw on some clothes and went with her mom to the hospital.
i don't remember all the details about it, but erin has a problem with her heart where there's an extra nerve impulse pathway and when it kicks in, her heart beats so fast that it stops pumping blood.
friday was her worst attack to date. she was given a drug called adenosine. the first dose of 6 didn't work, so they gave her the 2nd dose of 12, which worked. her mom and i sat with her until close to 6am, when she was allowed to leave.
i'm not sure if i've ever been more frightened in my life.

happy valentines day!