May 16, 2003
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before we begin, i suggest strong drink. for myself.
i'm getting my captain morgans spiced rum on.
i. fucking. hate. horseflies. foul little insect demons with proboscises of puncture wound-inflicting fiery doom and mayhem. every single day i go to the park, i am beleaguered by a single horsefly. just one. just. one.
buzzing around my head. alighting upon my fair brow, sending horrific shock waves of utter revulsion through my entire body. since i've never managed to actually kill the soulless imp, i wonder...is it the same one? does it have some sort of personal vendetta against me? does it not like me walking near its trees? is it buzzing outside my bedroom window, RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT LOOKING FOR A WAY IN!????
today was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back. after days of having been literally sent to rout, and thrashing my entire body about like a Bedlam escapee, i decided this was a contest of my human logic against the instincts of a fly. i knew i would prevail. so, i did the only logical thing and began whipping myself in the face with a fallen pine branch. luckily, an elderly couple walking saw my plight and decided to run away.
i'd like to say that i have some sort of humorous conclusion to this, one where i managed to swat, stomp, spit upon and incinerate the fly. but no, i don't. it's still out there. waiting for me. waiting. patiently. waiting. in the dark.
Comments (39)
Yessss... My horsefly army has completed Phase 1A of The Plan. Move forward, my pretties!
Oh hear, hear.
And they're so damn huge. Disgusting.
Bzzzt.
Bastards.
Hmm... interesting... hate... strong word, but wow it's true... nice journal... love the stars...
<3,
{Kate}
Show 'em who the boss is!! Just don't open your door.. NO. MATTER. WHAT! hehehe
you would not belieeeeeeeeve the horseflies i saw in SC...well, being from the southern states, i bet you would believe! i feel your pain, i ran screaming from them several times.
(i might add, beek scares the crap out of me...)
I can just hear Beek laughing like the witch from the Wizard of Oz...
On that note, I think I should send some flying monkeys your way...
Ever just considered it might have a crush?
Sorry to hear about your poor proverbial camel and his lumbar issues. Now, you do know that horseflies are special...that they're called horseflies because they live about as long as a horse...and they develop a Spy Vs. Spy type relationship with just one horse. And they're both in it until one of them ends up at the glue factory...and the last time I checked they still weren't making glue out of flies.
So you gotta ask yourself, do you feel lucky?
Well, do ya...chinchilla face?
oh its not worth it, the government always wins.
this is just another sad attempt on your part to deny your desire to be penetrated and probed. who do you think you're kidding? (the pine branch flogging, i'm still trying to figure out.)
howdy,
you should note that it is only the female of the species that suck blood.
OMG! I remember being plagued by one of those things in Junior High! It probably IS the same fucking fly. The one that came after me hung around outside our house for several days because I saw the bastard everytime I went to the mailbox or came home from school. Evil little fuskers. We should evlove some sort of chemical defense against those things.
um...call me crazy...but may i suggest you take a flyswatter with you to the park tomorrow?
or, you know, keep working on your material for interpretive dance. i bet that's cute, too.
I suppose horseflies are not like dragonflies?...
Still, when I see dragonflies, I'm tempted to kill them. Odd...
We have no problem with fies because my dog, Odie, loves nothing more than to chase and eat anything with wings.
I'm with Rache......we're all on to you. Just admit it already. We know you want to.
And I hate how they always find me when I'm swimming! It won't leave! It likes to land on my head and bite me! I have to practically drown myself for the fly to forget me for a short while! They are evil!
He kinda looks like Max Headroom, doesn't he?
I FEEL THE SAME DAMN WAY ABOUT MOSQUITOES!! I hate them so damn much, I don't care if I mispelled that or not. A few days after a heavy rain, I can count on those spawn of Satan himself, to give me numerous itchy red bites on various parts of my body. I think they are worse than your horsefly. At least you can see your enemy. Mine is a stealth assasin. Striking quick, and leaving before you even notice their presence!! I say we drop a giant pesticide bomb over the country. Who cares if the air would be near unbreathable for a long time. At least their would be no more bugs. I feel ya brother!! Insects are the tool of the devil!!
Your site is cool. I am a total moron, when it comes to HTML and all that stuff, so my page pales in comparison to people with pages like yours. One more eProp for you. I'll put you on my list too. Not that that is of any great or grand significance, but hey I need to add more folks on mine.
hey thanx for prop'n me.. i got it from http://deviantart.com
Bzzzz.... little bastards.
nice graphics, you are quite the popular journaler. ( If that is a word)
damn the fuckers!! it's a good thing i live in nyc, few birds and insects survive
but then again, we have rats.
Horseflies-pah. In Maryland we have rats on wings. Imagine being attacked by that.
You made me laugh... and for this... i give u e-props ... who came up with eProps? I dont know, but have fun with it
you told him.
Ewww I hate those things. When I'm in Maine they're everywhere in the summer. Blah!
man, it can't be the same horsefly following you like a flower to the bee, and a sunflower to the sun.. the possibilty is too small.. hehehe! but dude, it would be so hilarious if it was the same horsefly, if so, then i've seen it all.. =p
horselfy: must find Richard!
Richard: No!!! its you again! why wont you leave me alone!!! aaarrgh! *runs away*
hehehe! O_o
I work at a nature center. We have gnats. In mass. Constantly. So yeah, flies and their kin are the grotesque minions of satan.
friggin A... stupid horseflies. such ugly little things. but hey, you gotta give it up to the little guy. So much perseverance
The blog I read right before yours was devoted to someone's hatred of the vile butterfly . . . now I come here to read a blog devoted to someone's hatred of the vile horsefly . . . I'm having a rather peculiar day so far.
Cool site! Your last entry was pretty damn funny! Keep me laughin!
dude, i don't know who you are. but your xanga is well decorated, and you're funny! i just thought i'd stop by since you were on the spotlight.
meow meow meow meow meow...horsefly...hear me ROOOOOOAAARRRRRRRRRRR! love b
meow meow meow meow meow...horsefly...hear me ROOOOOOAAARRRRRRRRRRR! love b
your flogging with the pine branch sentence made me spit tea on my keyboard. Not alot of things can make me cackle so. Good post!
that was no fly; that was me.
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