circuit.
new skin, like it or not. i do.
i think i made a mistake concerning someone i like a little too much.
i'm feeling sad and restless.
i hope i haven't alienated myself again.

Perhaps having the courage to find a better path is having the courage to risk making new mistakes.
- The Golden Fool by Robin Hobb.

don't you just love butterflies?
one month ago today, an african hornbill perched on a tree took flight. the sudden movement caused an overripe camu-camu fruit to drop from its branch to the rainforest floor. plummeting to the ground the camu-camu fruit bounced off of a lower brance, startling a troop of colobus monkeys. in turn, they scattered, tree branches left swishing in their wake.
the moving branches added their momentum to a breeze coming inland from the indian ocean. flowing and weaving its way through the african rainforest and over the veldt, tall grasses moved like oceans, ostrich feathers ruffled, oil-black smoke from burning tires dispersed.
reaching the atlantic ocean, the wind pushed clouds along, scudding with the trade wind routes. drifing further towards the doldrums, the clouds lulled to a pause and gaining moisture and size from the evaporating ocean.
ever so slowly drifting back into the trade winds, these clouds had now taken an ominous dark cast to them, foreshadowing precipitation.
reaching the center of the atlantic, a cold front collided with them. creating winds, lightings, thunders and rain on a massive scale, the storm travelled further into the cold air, eventually exhausting its fury miles from the north american shore.
in the midst of this storm, a lone tiger shark swam. the storm waves battered it and scattered the food fish it had been hunting for days. hungry, the shark swam on, searching, as the storm lessened and dispersed.
on the same day that the storm was just building in the atlantic, a cold and winter-sick man boarded an aeroplance, his jack russel terrier in a carrier, both heading from new york to vacation in sunny, warm florida.
this morning, the resulting waves travelled with the north equatorial current to reach the yellow quartz and silicone sanded beaches of southern florida. seashells and gullweed washed ashore, only to be pulled back.
the man and his dog (the dog is still a jack russel terrier, in case you had thought it changed to, say, a weasel or an iguana) walked along the shore, enjoying the bright sun and warm weather. as they walked, the man threw a tennis ball letting the excited and bouncing terrier retrieved it.
on what was to be the final game of toss and fetch, the man decided to throw the ball into the water. with much aplomb, the terrier dived in and was promptly attacked and eaten by a tiger shark.
staring into the ocean for hours in complete shock, the man finally left the beach in his lincoln town car, never to return, never to set foot on a beach for the remainder of his life.
driving home from work this afternoon, smiling and listening to loud music, a lincoln town car cut me off, forcing me to lock my brakes and skid off the side of the road. my previously bright and lighthearted mood was ruined by some asshole in a lincoln town car who doesn't know how to drive.
driving in morose silence, i came home and slammed my car door and retrieved my mail.
an early valentines card brought my mood back to where it should be - happy.

note to self: leaving alarm clock set on weekend...completely unnecessary.

found this passage in a book i'm reading. it applies.
happenstance instruction

When I wallow in something dead to reawaken the savor of it, you rebuke me.
I turned to look at Nighteyes but he refused the eye contact. He sat in the snow, ears pricked forward toward our hut. The unpleasant little winter wind stirred his thick ruff, but could not penetrate to his skin.
Meaning? I pressed him, though his meaning was perfectly clear.
You should leave off sniffing the carcass of your old life, my brother. You may enjoy unending pain. I do not. There is no shame in walking away from bones, Changer. He finally swiveled his head to stare at me from his deep-set eyes. Nor is there any special wisdom in injuring oneself over and over. What is your loyalty to that pain? To abandon it will not lessen you.