what do you do when everything eludes you?
the day nothing happened.

i've been sitting here since 1 o' clock. 3 hours. staring at a blank word document, instant messaging with people with pixelated names such as emmdee and polaris_kitten. staring at a blank word document. searching google.com for midget giraffes. writing random things from television ( "your cats are very skinny." "schooner tuna, the tuna with a heart." "bruce, the main contender for the scottish crown, was not even present at the battle of falkirk" ), then i translated it into italian ( "i vostri gatti sono molto sottili " "tonno dello schooner, il tonno con un cuore", "il bruce, il concorrente principale per la parte superiore scozzese, non era neppure presente alla battaglia di falkirk" ) then deleted it ( ). back to staring at a blank word document. it's untitled, against my blue desktop wallpaper. listening to music. staring. staring. nothing is coming. i'm uninspired. drink some more coffee. stare at the floor. it's brown hardwood, in case you were wondering. i wanted to write about the nature of beauty, about our depth of physical and spiritual perceptions, about how i think claudia black and daisy fuentes have the most beautiful faces in hollywood, how the smell of sex and vanilla is the most wonderful thing ever...after a few sentences, i scrubbed at the stubble on my face ( "i need to shave...i'll do it later" ) and deleted that, too. back to the blank word document. this morning, i considered briefly going out in public and doing something mildly retarded idiotic, just to have something to blog about. i reconsidered, then i reconsidered my choice of words. i wrote a few more sentences about writing nothing, and i just deleted those (deleted parenthetical statement here). not a blank word document any more. am i going to delete everything and start over?

-smirk- tap cntrl+v, and click on the submit button

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as a conclusion to this evening, bear witness to the bacchnalian debauchery that became of rache's most recent entrys comments section.

written by a very good friend of mine, the omnipresent, the effervescent, the abstract, the one, the only....emmdee
25 Observations: The Atypical Antihero

1) he knows who hum is.
2) he is sentimental (for an aquarian).
3) he should eat more apples.
4) he doesn't ask many questions.
5) he wouldn't mind more sex.
6) he covers his belly.
7) his name isn't george.
8) drugs confuse him.
9) so does love.
10) he doesn't write enough.
11) he's terrified he's average.
12) he wasn't born in florida.
13) he has a switch.
14) he could kick your ass but won't.
15) he hides behind sarcasm.
16) he thinks i'm weird.
17) he's afraid of ugly vaginas.
18) he has mastered the art of napping.
19) he isn't so funny, i'm just stoned.
20) he'd like a family someday.
21) he thinks he believes in full disclosure.
22) he's not cheap, he's just broke.
23) the boy's got rhythm.
24) he always holds back.
25) it's bigger than a baby's arm.

some inside jokes there. if i explained them, they wouldn't be inside jokes. heh.

the water gushing off my roof looks like it's raining, the workshoes thumping on my roof make thunder, the smoke on the horizon looks of storm clouds, the ashes are snow...
winter is the burning season.

this close to the sugarcane fields, you can smell them burning. sweet and smokey.
the ashes are carried by the heat of them burning, and dispersed by the diurnal wind patterns. during the day, they fall to the west. at nite, to the east. or vice versa, i can't remember.
either way, in the morning, pieces of burned sugar cane fall on the cars, the houses and coat them - it's snow in 70° weather.
the horizon is filled with the smoke, mostly a fine gray haze, but here and there you can see dark, slanting pillars rising to the heavens.
this is all very symbolic....but i can't figure it out.

if this new look and feel were a woman, i'd marry her on the spot.

new look and feel, folks. this one is staying for a long, long time. come in through the front door, not your SIR list.

the things i have to deal with
the girl down the block is mocking me. she's out there prancing around, supposedly washing her car. in a bikini. after getting the mail, i looked over just in time to get a nice butt shot. which i KNOW was a cold hearted stab at the fact that i'm not getting booty. do you see the correlation here?
not only am i pathetic, but i also have to deal with the world and society in general making cruel jabs at my love life.
in other news, today i realized i was the coolest person on the face of the earth. so cool, in fact, that the doors at the mall opened themselves for me.

running naked through the forest while it's raining
or: randomness from the life of saturnalia

yep. tonite, i ran around the forest naked while it was raining. i realized that running without the support of underwear isn't exactly comfortable. tonite, i'm greatful for my fellow xanga writers because they can make me laugh and show me that life is beautiful. i removed that background pic because i have a dial up and the loading time was irritating me. (post entry writing note: after myki...'s comment about my site being beautiful...well...the bg pic can stay for a bit.)
you may or may not have noticed my t minus counter over there on the left. when i figure out what it's for, i'll make sure to let everyone know.
i'm in the process of making a xanga site for someone. when she starts posting, i'll link her. she's someone i've known since highschool and she's a wonderful, wonderful person. so wonderful in fact, that i dated her twice and was a complete ass to her both times.
i'm going to go play turok 2 and shoot some dinosaur monsters to death.
riottgyrrrl is a muff driver.
cheer up. it's a new year and somebody loves you.