swan dive.
the year is coming to an end, almost before i realized it was over.
the past year, i've been through a lot; the disappointment in myself, struggling with where i want to be, struggling with who i want to be, losing and gaining friendships, dealing with the quicksand of my feelings for k.
it leaves me very melancholy, yet it's a beautiful and bittersweet thing. reminiscing about the past year, i've found myself on the verge of tears, but it's not a sad thing. to me, being here another year, being able to look back on it and know it's the past, is a good positive thing. i'm not there anymore.
i'm poised on my toes, on the verge of diving head first into a life worth living.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

it's our time to shine through the down
glorified by what is ours
we've fallen in love
it was the best idea I ever had
today I fell and felt better
just knowing this matters
I just feel stronger and sharper
found a box of sharp objects what a beautiful thing
do you want a song of glory
well I'm fucking screaming at you.
- the used, a box full of sharp objects

---

loud music and slowly waking up. i skipped my morning workouts the last 2 days. i'm a complete slacker. but....i've finally got a plan for my life.

if the bond begins to chafe

i must type quickly, no time for eloquence. just another abstract rambling. the bonds of kinship have become raw and strained, sticky and red, much like residue of duct tape ripped off the skin. what once left me happy now brings me to tightening my jaw until i hear it creaking. a bitter smile through clenched teeth is me becoming repulsive.
you're losing it, friend. the band of the hand is broken. let it go.

waiting for the other shoe to drop

getting undressed for bed, i glanced over and saw you. frozen like the picture, i stopped midmotion. and i stared, lost in the past, lost in if's and maybe's and might have been's. after a moment, the present came crashing in. my shoe hit the floor and i wept. for all we've lost. for every day that will never be the same. looking down, i studied my feet. one shoe on, one on the floor. it struck me as a work of fiction, and i smiled.

her: "you treated me the best i'd ever been treated, at the time when i treated you the worst. i didn't deserve you." me: "maybe it's not a matter of what you deserved. maybe it's what you needed."

a day in the life... 5:00am - wake up 5:30am - leave house, drive to beach 6:00am - 8:30am - workout at beach, try to concentrate amongst fake breasted women jogging around and giving themselves head injuries, go home 9:00am - cook and eat approximately half the contents of the entire refrigerator 10:00 - 10:30am - play on the internet 10:30am - 12:00pm - nap 12:00pm - 4:30pm - eat the other half of refrigerator contents, various housework things 4:30pm - leave house, drive to class 6:15pm - 7:45pm - kung fu class 9:00pm - get home, realize there's no food left, eat the neighbors and their food 9:30pm - 11:00pm - shower, relax, read, go to sleep.

right then. which one of you broke xanga?