k and i have been talking lately. not sure how i feel about this. on one hand, it's nice to hear her voice, something that comforts me. on the other, i know how bad things were, how she's untrustworthy. she's told me she's been clean for a while. i don't know if i'm being deceived again. she told me she's been clean because of how far her life fell, to the point where she was considering suicide. that's the only reason i'm taking it at face value - i don't think she would lie about suicide. as a small but weird side note - her boyfriend and her had broken up the same nite i had broken up with jj.
i don't think i have the burning desire i once had for k. without a doubt there's still a part of me that cares very much for her. everything else seems much more muted, washed out water colors when compared to a techinicolor movie.
neptune isn't quite done with me yet - this is in full evidence. the dream-like quality that has suffused my waking world, the sense that things are falling apart at the seams, my lost motivation.
less than a week neptune's been direct and it's fact that things are falling apart. to document the last 7 days in my life:
saturday - pulled over, given a ticket for having a suspended license. according to the citation, it's suspended for a speeding ticket that was paid in Nov 2001. at home i double check my paperwork - it was paid on time. was supposed to work on saturday, but unable to drive, i missed work and lost money.
monday - called the court house and found out that unbeknownst to me, i was supposed to attend traffic school for the ticket in Nov. registered for and completed an online driving school. paid for the class and extra money so the documentation of completing the school would be rush delivered to me. missed another day of work and lost more money.
tuesday - missed another day of work and lost even more money. received a call in the early evening informing me not to bother coming in in the morning, that i had lost my job. started drinking again.
today - was waiting to receive my next day overnighted super rush delivery documentation of completing my driving school so i could go to the court house, get my license reinstated and look for another job. lost more money. didn't get the certificate until 5.15 pm. i got an email from emmdee, who i haven't talked to for a few months.
i've been pissed off and antisocial all day. but tonite, i'm going to forget about it for a little while. tonite is band practice.
tonite i rock out.
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Comments (16)
man... sorry about the life-suckage. Things will start looking up soon. In theory.
yikes, what a ton of garbage to shovel off your porch. rest assured that we at the Sacred Church of Rachel, or whatever we end up calling it, are praying for your recovery.
hey, this might sound a little weird but the pic u have in your profile...did this chick your talking about by any chance have a xanga site? That pic looks really familiar and I remember going to this girls xanga and she was describing almost the same problems she had with her own boyfriend. I dunno the pic just looks really familiar....
yea that does sound weird. nevermind.
that sux about losing money. i lose money all the time.
i would sue, or seriously freak out at least. you sound much calmer than i would.
*hugs*
sorry to hear about that !!
i'm sorry about ur loss and i hate saying things will work out, but all i know is that this year, life has been really tough for a lot of ppl, it's like the flu that is going around and it keeps coming back for more.
do what u think is right. but no matter how harsh life throws at u, u just gotta keep going...
but u know that already.
Your site is really nice...I'll come back and give you advice later.
I understand how you look foward to band practice. Band practice for me is usually the high point of the week.
I hope things work out for you
sorry to hear it, hon {{{hugs}}} things will get better...
now that would piss me off! glad to hear you're taking it rather calmly...
i'm sure inside you are going insane.
sometimes you gotta fall down a bit, to find out where you are supposed to go.
Imagfine me kissing your cheek and giving you a hug. (Yes I would probably grab your ass) Feeling too bloody anti-social now?
BTRW, still wantr that picture love...
Cheers. (sexy wink)
Things change all the time... Too bad we have to go through tough times to appreciate when all is good.
(BTW, that woman's substance abuse problem sounds similar to coujeaux's lady friend's struggle...)
this doesnt just suck, it blows.
life can be really fucked up sometimes, just because we cant see the script. as i'm getting to know you through various outlets the more I like you. It might sound kind of lame, but it will get better.
rock on, brother.
Sounds like a rough week.
But hey looseing the job makes room for alot of other cool stuff.
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