Month: August 2002

  • a dream

    another weird dog dream last nite...

    i'm standing, facing a closed door, dog is standing to my left. a very ominous tone to the whole scene. there's someone on the other side of the door, waiting for me to open it, waiting to do something to me. i get the impression that it's someone i knew, or someone very similar to them.
    the dog this time is one i had when i was younger, a black and white collie.
    his teeth are bared and his tail is up, waiting for (what/who)ever is on the other side of the door.
    i don't open it.

  • A Hyena Ate My Dingo Baby!


    Ah, the nature documentary.  Ever since I was a kid, I've loved them.  The subject rarely matters; they could be about lions or elephants or fish or birds or snails or bacteria.  Whatever, they're cool and interesting, and they're always narrated by someone whose voice manages to be soothing and reassuring, even as he describes a) something's belly being torn out by something else, b) a fish swimming up the anus of a sea cucumber, or c) regurgitation.


    My favorite types of documentaries are those about baby animals, who are followed around by camera crews until they either reach adulthood (the animals, not the crew) or are eaten by hyenas (the animals and/or the crew).  We are warned early on in the show that many of the young animals will not survive the difficult winter/summer/migration/layoffs ahead, and that sucks, because the little animals are extremely cute, and we love them.


    And, hey, what's the deal with those hyenas, anyway?  They're such dicks.  No matter what documentary you're watching, the hyenas will show up and try to kill the subjects, particularly the extremely young and vulnerable subjects.  Lion cubs, tiger cubs, antelope, uh... cubs.  Alligator cubs, bird cubs, bacteria cubs, whatever, the hyena will show up about halfway through and try to eat them.  I recently watched a show about dolphin cubs, and right in the midst of some playful underwater frolicking, a hyena shows up in full scuba gear, paddling over to threaten the safety of the young.  I'm starting to think that the camera crews just bring a hyena with them, in a sack, and when it looks like things could use some jazzing up, they release it. 


    I haven't seen a documentary about hyena cubs yet, but I bet some hyena tries to eat them, too.  If there is such a documentary, it should be called "Hyenas - The Assholes of the Wild."


    Anyway, as the animals progress from extremely cute babies to unlawfully cute young adults, there's always a period where they are shown wrestling and playing and grappling with each other.  We learn that it's more than just cute behavior, though, for at this point, the narrator will unerringly say something like "But this playing serves more of a purpose than it may seem.  The cubs are learning valuable skills they will need later as adults."


    It's true, too.  Playful wrestling as cubs translates into ripping the belly out of something as adults, which we see near the end of the show, right before the narrator blames me for the shrinking habitat of the lion/bear/dolphin/mitochondria.  But he blames me in a soothing voice, so I don't mind.


    Still, when I hear about this play-as-survival theory, I always think about my childhood, and try to determine if I learned anything during playtime that has helped me later in life.  After some calculating, I have broken down my past playtime activities into categories, and the percentage of time I engaged in each of them:


    Running Around Pretending I Could Fly And Project Power Beams From My Hands Like A Superhero:  64%


    Getting My Ass Kicked By Bigger Kids:  30%


    Blowing Bubbles In Milk:  4%


    Smashing Matchbox Cars With A Hammer:  2%


    Hm.  Well, I don't see any of these activities being beneficial to my adult life, except perhaps getting my ass kicked, which has prepared me for the psychological and spiritual pantsing I get on a daily basis at work.  Still, it might not qualify as play, because in no way did I, nor do I yet, enjoy it, so I may have to rethink its inclusion here.


    In retrospect, my childhood should have been spent like this:


    Pretending to Fix Copier Jams:  59%


    Waiting for A Make-Believe Bus:  28%


    Explaining to My Imaginary Co-Workers How To Save Something To Their [A:] Drive, For The Fiftieth Fucking Time:  10%


    Learning to Smile Politely:  2%


    Running From Hyenas:  1%


    <from www.notmydesk.com>


    i wish i were this funny.

  • 100 50 25 useless things about me that you could care less about knowing (and are probably dumber for having read them)


    100. i'm currently obsessed with drinking orange juice.
    49. i think the cover for deftones "around the fur" is the sexiest picture i've ever seen
    23. i have too many cd's; about 350 or so.
    22. i haven't 'moshed' in at least 6 years, but did so at jimmy eat
    world/blink 182/green day show, just to show them how to do it proper. windmills, floor punches and jump kicks are the rule.
    21. having an anonymous subscriber isn't a big deal to me.
    20. i have only 2 pairs of sneakers and they are about 3 years old.
    19. my desk is always messy.
    18. i have a phobia of getting hit by a train whenever i drive across tracks.
    17. i can't stand fred durnst and limp bizkit. i mock and diss them at every opportunity possible.
    16. i can scream in key.
    15. i feel like i'm talking about myself too much.
    14. music is one of the most important things in my life.
    13. someone just called my work line and put the phone up to their TV. assholes.
    12. shoe size: 9
    11. my favorite foods are pizza, chicken, chewy chocolate chip cookies.
    10. i like thunder and lightning storms that make night seems like day and make the windows on my house rattle
    9. i consitently drive no less than 10 mph over the speed limit
    8. i have 1 tattoo, i want 2 more. make that 3 more.
    7. i like to study my flaws and shortcomings.
    6. penguins
    5. i read too much.
    4. for a little while, i was convinced i was psychic. then i realized i was just crazy.
    3. i play a fender p bass, 500 watt hartke head, black widow speakers.
    2. i have trouble finishing things i start

  • first reaction

    "oh, you terrible bastard." i said as my imac crashed.

  • attention members of xanga.

    in light of recent events, such as the kidnapping of beek, the politically charged assassination of oomp, the suspicious disappearance of seraphim26uk, the inability of renaissancegirl4 to find a decent man, and worship mediocrity's 20th birthday, we have begun retaliation. as part of this declaration of revolution, we have seized control of the following blog rings:

    Thoughts, Dreams, and Everything In-Between

    Free Thoughts

    A Slice of Lime

    20-Something BlogRing

    Girls who love Guys who play Guitar

    Eating Bullets of Acceptance

    Bloggers Born Between 1965 and 1979


    they will not be harmed if our demands are met. i repeat, they will not be harmed if our demands are met. however, if they are not met, we will subvert the xanga bandwith and convert it into a limp bizkit only internet radio station.

    these are our demands:

    1. ryoushi shall be turned over to the beek liberation front and will be dealt with accordingly.

    2. those responsible for the assassination of oomp are to be deported from canada and brought to the custody of the deadstar show.

    3. the concentrated manpower of all US armed forces, CIA, FBI and the Chinese Military Police are to be focused into a singular, cohesive unit. the aforementioned unit is to be implemented in the search for seraphim26uk.

    4. all available men over the age of 17 are to line up at the beginning of renaissancegirl4 blog, so that she may choose amongst them for those worthy of her harem.

    5. anyone reading this will go to worship mediocrity blog and make him ENJOY his 20th birthday.


    you will have a 36 hour period to meet these demands. in that time, the blog rings will be kept safe. after that period of time, we will begin converting the blog rings. one will be converted on an hourly basis until the demands are met or until all blog rings are subverted.

    - the saturn coalition

  • "We're still looking for either a naked man with huge eyes or an emu," the spokesman added.


  • femmedelacreme has some really good tips on her site about writing. taking cue from her, i'm going to try my hand at some serious writing, using her tips as a guideline. running commentary is in italics.






    ok here i go, tip #1 title your entries

    MY XANGA ENTRY BY SATURNALIA.

    or at least provide a kick ass opening line.
    My penis is erotic.
    nope that won't work. it's more crude than kick ass...hmm...how about this...
    So 3 of my friends and i rented costumes (i was the bumble bee guy from the spanish channel) and we went BASE jumping off of the...er...the... dammit, there's nothing high enough here to BASE jump off of. we went hang gliding er, no...skeet shooting?



    ok, i'll come back to that one.
    tip #2, use paragraphs...i have been using paragraphs. good, good. i think i have this one down. what was the next one? oh yeah, #3, care about your readers. care about them? what makes them think i give a crap about...oh hey! hi! how are you? i didn't see you there...what? no, i didn't say anything. no i didn't. what?? i would never say that!
    that seems to have gone over pretty well. #4 is try on different styles. ok, let me experiment with the first paragraph here, see what i can come up with.




    style #1.
    So 3 of my fRnds & i rented costumes (i wz d bumble bee guy frm d spanish channel) & we went BASE jumping off of d... dammit, ther's Nuttin high Enuf hEr 2 BASE jump off of. we went hng gliding er, n...skEt shooting?

    style #2
    This dreary day held promise. Promise of adventures under the bruise colored skies of the rainy season. After securing our hand tailored costumes ( I had rented a wonderfully avant garde bumble bee costume), we set out to locate somewhere that was high enough, tall enough, to match our aspirations. Alas, the rain pummeled land was broad and flat. It left us listless and longing for excitement. Perhaps we could bring a zepplin under our command...

    style #3
    "how much can you know yourself if you've never been in a bumble bee suit?"




    so, with that....was it as good for you as it was for me? (tip #5 and #8...i enjoyed it immensely). i'm off to have a smoke and take a nap (tip #7) one thousand gratitudes for reading my blog. (tip#6)





    i suppose it's too late for me to apologize for being an idiot?

  • wake up! it's time to go workout!

    (looks at thursdays post)
    now how am i supposed to top that? i guess i'll have to wait until another venus-venus contact.
    and speaking of...i'm getting a 1 hour swedish massage today. for free! that should be nice, it's been years since i've had one.


    just as a side note....k and i aren't together, nor do i want to be with her. out of the year and a half or so i was involved with her, i'd say about3-4 mos were really good. the rest was my own private delusional hell. the whole thing turned into a carnival of drama and it ended here and here. that's the last i had seen her, she called a day or two later and apologized, but i had nothing to say to her.
    "hey, it's me"
    "mm"
    "...i just wanted to say sorry for the other day, that was wrong of me, i shouldn't have done it."
    "mm"
    silence.
    silence.
    silence.
    "well i'll let you go i guess..." her voice quiet.
    "ok, bye"
    click.


    something i've noticed, not a whole lot of people swear on xanga. in honor of this high standard of morals i'd like to say
    "fuck fuckitty fuck fuck fuck."